The writer within us all

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For the last two years I tried on and off to write a blog about my struggles finding a good life for my severely autistic daughter. Whenever I wrote about something else, I somehow always found an autistic connection. That is because my life is defined by autism in a way that it was never defined by my career.

Now that I am no longer working, I have even more time to devote to making my daughter’s life better; and it takes time, time and patience. Sometimes I run out of patience, but I no longer run out of time.

I thought about writing a book about my experiences, and I wrote fifty percent of a first draft of a memoir before the motivation left me. I wanted to write the story of how I did not cure my daughter of autism, of how my friends and family, church and community, did not come together to support me in my efforts, how the miracle never happened for us. And yet, we survived. One day I realized that, despite my best efforts, she would remain severely affected by her disease and that it was okay.  She was still my beautiful girl and I still loved her more than I could have ever imagined. I accepted her as she was, maybe for the first time.

This doesn’t mean that I stopped fighting for her and trying to improve her life so that she can be as happy as possible. I also still research all the latest information about the possible causes and treatments being discovered, ever hopeful. But I feel more free to explore my other life, the life I abandoned all those years ago. I can be a little less obsessive on the autism subject; no more “All Autism, All the Time” on my mental channels.

Everyone writes books now, with on-line publishing and blogging, anyone can write their thoughts down in their own way and there will be an audience for them somewhere in the web universe. This is so liberating! Now I can try out my life long secret desire to “be a writer”!

Possibly, on this site, I will be able to share some experiments in writing that are not directly related to autism. Maybe short stories, a novel? Or just whatever strikes my fancy on a given day. Maybe even the long abandoned memoir.

I hope to connect with other closeted writers and enjoy their efforts as well.

I also hope to make my pages inviting and interesting to look at and explore.

My other blog is at: accidental autism.com

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2 comments

  1. Hi Catherine,

    I don’t think there’s anything more devastating than having a child with a serious problem, apart from losing a child to death. I don’t know how old your daughter is, but I do understand your obsession with her illness.

    For the same reason, I spent far too much time trying to find a final solution to my son’s addiction, but that was long ago. I eventually accepted it is what it is, but hope never completely dies despite the possibility of him getting better being next to a miracle at this point of his life.

    I’m a believer in re-incarnation, and something that has helped me accept his condition is the thought that this is his (our) journey for this lifetime, and although I can’t know why that’s the case, I do believe there is a reason.

    All the best with regaining your new ‘old’ life.

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